Tag Archives: knitting

Paragraph # 26: Why I Love My Best Friend.

BFF.png

According to Facebook, today is Friends Day.

In celebration of this holiday that is probably made up, I have compiled a list of twenty-six things I love about my best friend.

 

  1. She is one of the only people left on the planet who still sends actual letters in the actual mail.

  2. She takes epic chin selfies.

  3. I’m pretty sure that if you asked her who her best friend was she would say her dogs and I’m okay with that because her “pets” have never written her a lovely list. So there, dogs.

  4. She drinks maple whisky out of a glass with a skull on it while knitting and watching musicals on TV. She’s the perfect mix of a party girl and your eighty-five year old Grandma.

  5. Her hair gets disgustingly greasy if she doesn’t wash it everyday. Seeing her in all her oily glory makes me feel better about my own appearance.

  6. She swears like a sailor.

  7. She’s so tiny that she can still wear kids sized clothes and sometimes the teachers at her school confuse her for a student. (FYI she teaches at an elementary school.)

  8. She’s going to name her future child Ming Ling because I said so.

  9. When I ask her what I should write about, her standard answer is, “ME! AND MY DOGS!”

  10. We can go from talking about serious life issues to farts in a single sentence.

  11. She holds my hand in public.

  12. Being a vegetarian, she really appreciates it when I text her pictures of meat.

  13. Her first impression of me when we met was that I was a “weirdo”. My first impression of her was that she was “loud”. We both still feel the same way, eighteen years later.

  14. A demolition derby, learning to surf in Costa Rica and acting in a Japanese play are all examples of her random adventures.

  15. She has special seatbelts for her dogs in her car.

  16. She’s a huge fan of recycling, composting, biodegradable household products, the environment, animals and reusable containers. If she hadn’t become a teacher she probably would have become David Suzuki.

  17. Two things that fill her with rage are shovelling her driveway and being stuck behind slow walkers.

  18. She has several friends who happen to be llamas. None of them are her BEST friend…just throwing that out there.

  19. Her eyebrows always reveal her true feelings.

  20. She sing talks CONSTANTLY.

  21. She has a special skirt that she wears when she goes running.

  22. She gets sassy when she drinks.

  23. Her ideal food is dill pickle chips.

  24. Her musical tastes are on point with those of a thirteen year old girl.

  25. Her childhood home strongly resembled a Hobbit Hole.

  26. She uses kindness as the driving force in her life because she’s a nauseatingly good person.

 

Happy Friends Day everyone and thanks for reading.

Now go tell your best friend that they rock and I’ll see you tomorrow!

NFred.

 

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January’s A Jerk.

 

january

 

December is all about having fun and spending money and staying up late and binging on baked goods.

January is all about being responsible and going on a budget and following a routine and eating quinoa.

December is the life of the party.

January is the party pooper.

It’s like if December and January were siblings, December would be the free spirited younger sister and January would be the high strung older sister that made you second guess all of your life choices.

I hate you, January.

Life was just fine until the first day of your stupid month.

JUST FINE.

Now people everywhere are trying to change themselves in order to please you.

Everyone’s dieting and doing crunches and jogging.

Everyone’s organizing their junk drawers and bathroom cupboards and crawl space hoards.

Everyone’s giving up alcohol and chocolate and french fries.

EVERYONE IS LAME.

L

A

M

E

I’m on to you, January. Don’t expect any unobtainable new year’s resolutions from this girl!

You can’t change my quirky, sloth like ways.

If I want to drink three beers and pound a Kit Kat at the end of my day, then I will.

If I want to stay up late watching medical mysteries on TLC, then I will.

If I want to waste half an hour looking at pictures of llamas on the internet, then I will.

I have a deal for you, January. How about you cut me some slack and I’ll make a couple of easily obtainable goals for 2014?

No, I will not go on a diet or start training for a marathon or promise to be a kinder, more patient person. If I ever resolve to do any of that stuff, I guarantee that it won’t be for you, January. It’ll be because I WANT TO, not because I’ve succumbed to your new year bullying.

So here are my goals thus far;

1. Follow a recipe.

2. Finish a knitting project.

3. Get a haircut.

I feel like it’s a pretty solid list.

I had one more item, but it’s already been accomplished! It was to buy new shoes. I finally replaced my four dollar fake Converse sneakers. They were being held together with packing tape and it was time for us to say goodbye. They’re still sitting on a shelf at work. I know I should throw them out, but we had so many good times together. Maybe tossing them in the garbage will be my next goal?

Oh January, why do you have to be so cruel?  You make people crazy, make them think that they need to change.

Well I say, DON’T CHANGE.

KEEP DECEMBER IN YOUR HEART!

Sleep in!

Eat carbs!

Drink booze on a weeknight!

DON’T LET JANUARY BRING YOU DOWN.

You’re awesome just the way you are!

Love always,

NFred.

p.s. Toss the quinoa and go order a pizza. You deserve it!

 

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