This short little slice of dialogue jumped into my head when I was thinking about a woman at the store today who told me she never buys Christmas presents. NEVER. Although inspired by the Christmas hating customer, this is a totally fictional piece of writing. Enjoy and thanks for reading!!! XO NFred.
“Not so busy in here today”.
“Nope. January ‘s a slow month in retail”.
“I bet. Everyone’s emotionally bankrupt after Christmas.”
“Or just broke.”
“Not me. I don’t buy Christmas gifts”.
“Nope. Not for years. My partner and I don’t agree with any form of commercialism.”
“It makes life so much more meaningful when you’re not focused on the instant gratification of getting “stuff”. It’s something we’ve instilled in our son since he was an infant. And now he places experiences above “things”, don’t you Sequoia?”
“Sequoia! You silly billy. He’s currently experiencing his bathroom phase. What a trip!”
“POOP! POOPY ,POOPY, POOP BUTT!”
“That special boy of mine! I’m sorry if his language makes you uncomfortable. I don’t want to intervene while he’s on this new path of self discovery.”
“I HAVE A PENIS!”
“Yes you do and it’s beautiful like your soul.”
“THE LADY HAS A VAGINA!”
“Is there anything I can help you find today?”
“Oh no. We’re just taking a walk around the mall, soaking in the beauty of this experience.”
“Okay, well if you need anything, just yell.”
“Sure, sure. Actually, while I have you, do you know if there’s somewhere in this mall where I can buy some locally sourced spelt?”
“Um, there’s a grocery store across the street.”
“Is it locally owned? I only shop local.”
“It’s a Loblaws.”
“Oh darn. I was hoping to bake Sequoia his favourite spelt muffins. I put beet juice and loose leaf earl grey tea in them and that boy of mine just gobbles them up, don’t you Sequoia?”
“I EAT POO!”
“You funny little monkey! I can drop off the recipe for you if you’d like?”
“Um, no thanks.”
“Oh please, it’s no bother. Sequoia and I will stop in next week. It would be our absolute pleasure, won’t it Sequoia?”
“Oh, silly Sequoia! What do you say we go recharge ourselves with some of the homemade organic soy milk that Mommy brought from home? Who wants organic soy milk?”
“Well then my sweet boy, say good bye to the nice lady and we’ll go have our treat.”
“BYE VAGINA LADY!”
“Great connecting with you! Have a most blessed day!”