Have you ever taken a career aptitude test?
I remember taking one in my last year of high school and it determined that my ideal career would be as a sports broadcaster. I’m not sure how out of the hundreds of choices available, that one was flagged for me. I’ve never been on a sports team and I’d rather get a bikini wax than watch sports on TV.
I’ve never had a career. I’ve had a plethora of jobs, but nothing that required a degree or a power suit. I’m currently classified as a grown up human but I totally don’t have my shit together when in comes to having a serious, grown up career. If I didn’t work at the toy shop, I have no idea what I’d do to earn an income.
I can figure out a way to make my dream career a reality…
Please, hop inside my head and let me give you a tour of my ultimate dream career in my fantasy life…
I wake up and spend the morning getting my kids ready for school. I do this already in my everyday life, but in my fantasy life they get dressed on time and nobody has a meltdown about wearing a winter coat in January.
After getting the kids on the school bus, I walk home in my light green tunic and wide legged pants. My outfit is comfortable, yet stylish and is best described an updated version of Dorothy’s signature look on the Golden Girls.
Once I return home, I poor myself a cup of coffee and retreat to my office. It’s a beautiful space in the basement of my four bedroom house. The walls are painted bright yellow and adorned with funky art and framed pictures of my family and friends. There’s a big wooden desk against the wall, right below a large window. My desk chair is red and plush and so comfy that I could sit on it for days. And who’s that purring under my desk? It’s the cat! In my fantasy life my kids aren’t allergic and we have the cutest, smartest cat ever with a whimsical name like Muffin or Steve.
Sitting on top of my desk is my computer and three to five house plants that I’ve managed to keep alive for more than a week. I admire them as I sit down on my comfy chair, fire up the computer and get to work.
The first thing I do is check my email. There are usually dozens from publishers and editors and film makers who all want to exchange my quirky stories for disgusting amounts of cash. I sift through their requests and pick the ones I like best. Then, I get into the zone and I write. Hours pass and I only take breaks to eat and pet the cat. The ideas flow like draft beer being pored from the tap. Every word I write is genius.
After an exciting day of writing for money, I pick up the kids at the bus stop and we hang out while I make a nutritious yet delicious dinner that they all devour without complaining. Once the kids go to bed, my husband and I enjoy watching the exact same shows together on TV. We go to bed at a reasonable hour and have a solid eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. The next day follows the same schedule as the last; Kids, write for money, kids, TV, bed.
And that my friends is my dream career, in my fantasy life. If any of you beautiful readers have any tips on how to make this a reality, I would LOVE to hear your thoughts.
If you want to give me money to write stuff, I’m like totally down.
If you need someone to broadcast your sporting events, I could be persuaded… if the price is right.
I hope you enjoyed your tour of my dream career in my fantasy life. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you tomorrow.