Paragraph # 5: Unsolicited Advice.

 

unsolicited advice

We’ve all gotten some unsolicited advice at some point in our lives. I’ve had complete strangers approach me on everything from my parenting to my pimples. For paragraph number five, I decided to write some dialogue about a poor girl who’s just trying to eat her damn lunch. I hope you enjoy this little snippet of fiction. Thanks so much for reading and I’ll see you tomorrow! Xo NFred.

***

“Is that ham in your sandwich?”

“Pardon?”

“Is that ham in your sandwich?”

“Yes.”

“What kind of ham?”

“Black forest.”

“I’m more of a honey ham kind of guy”.

“Great.”

“Are you going to eat it all?”

“Yes.”

“Cause if you’re not, I’ll take half”.

“I’m going to eat it all.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“Pardon?”

“You shouldn’t eat it all because there’s lots of carbs in bread and you’re already a big girl.”

“Excuse me?”

“You should limit your carb intake. Carbs make you fat”

“Who the hell are you? A dietician or something?”

“No. I’m Luther, the janitor.”

“Well Luther the janitor, it’s my break and I’d like to sit here alone and enjoy my carbs in peace, please.”

“Okay”.

“So why are you still here?”

“I’m waiting to see if you’re going to give me half.”

“I’m not.”

“Why?”

“Because you called me fat.”

“I didn’t call you fat. I called you a big girl.”

“Whatever.”

“So you’re going to eat it all?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Bye now.”

“Where are you going?”

“Nowhere. You’re leaving, remember?”

“Oh, well if you change your mind about that sandwich…”

“I won’t.”

“…because it’s an awful lot of food for a girl your size…”

“Luther, is it?”

“Yes.”

“If I were you, I would stop talking and leave before I throw MY sandwich at YOUR  face.”

“Jeesh, you don’t have to be rude.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, was I being rude?”

“Yes. You should really work on that temper.”

“Luther?”

“Yes”

“Leave.”

“Fine, but if you change your mind about that sandwich, I’ll be in the janitorial office until three.”

***

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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