Paragraph #4: Internal Dialogue.

you crazy

As many of you know, I’ve worked at a toy shop for well over a decade. Working with the general public is fascinating.

Most of our customers are downright delightful.

Some are batshit insane.

Customers often ask for assistance when looking for the perfect toy. It’s my job to help them and to answer any questions they might have, even when those questions make zero sense. Some very real examples of such questions are as follows;

  1. Do you sell scissors for babies?
  2. Where can I buy a leash for my child?
  3. Is it possible to buy a Rubik’s cube that doesn’t come solved?
  4. My baby is bored. What do you have that’s educational for a newborn?
  5. Can you recommend a toy for my forty two month old?
  6. Do you know the name of that board game that comes with the dice?
  7. Do you think this game is too science based for a girl?
  8. How long will it take my son to do this puzzle?
  9. Can I call you Boo Boo?
  10. Where do you keep your “normal” dolls? You know, the ones that are white?

Because I’m a customer service professional, I broach “difficult” questions with enthusiasm and patience.

Because I’m human, I broach “difficult” questions with a very snarky internal dialogue.

Would you like to know how my internal dialogue answered the above questions? Of course you do!

  1. Do you sell scissors for babies?  Yes! We keep them beside the baby blowtorches.
  2. Where can I buy a leash for my child? PET SMART!
  3. Is it possible to buy a Rubik’s cube that doesn’t come solved? All I hear is crickets. 
  4. My baby is bored. What do you have that’s educational for a newborn? I fear for your baby’s future.
  5. Can you recommend a toy for my forty two month old? THREE AND A HALF! YOUR CHILD IS THREE AND A HALF!!!!!!
  6. Do you know the name of that board game that comes with the dice? Internal eye roll so hard.
  7. Do you think this game is too science based for a girl? Yes. Girls are too pretty to science.
  8. How long will it take my son to do this puzzle? Less than a year but probably more than three seconds?
  9. Can I call you Boo Boo? Yes…
  10. Where do you keep your “normal” dolls? You know, the ones that are white? Racist grandma is scaring me.

I hope you enjoyed this little visit inside my work head for paragraph number four! And rest assured, my internal dialogue has nothing but love for all of you fine What NFred Said readers!

See you tomorrow,

NFred.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Paragraph #4: Internal Dialogue.

  1. Anonymous says:

    I’d like to hear your 5 step action plan for people to survive their work day with such optimism.

    • NFred says:

      1. Coffee.
      2. Mastering the “Smile and Nod”.
      3. Mastering the “Fake Retail Laugh”.
      4. Work with like minded weirdos.
      5, Snacks…lots of snacks.

      BOOM!
      Thanks for reading!

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