Hello to all of you beautiful What NFred Said readers! It’s been SOOOOOOOO long since you poor dears have had anything new to read on the old blog. I’m sure you’re all just chomping at the bit to know where I’ve been. I wish I had some fabulous reason for being M.I.A like…
I won the lottery and moved to Papua New Guinea and was spending all my time turning this blog into a major motion picture starring Molly Shannon, as Mary Katherine Gallagher, in the lead role of NFred.
I was backpacking through India, trying to find myself and my voice as a writer. One day,while enjoying a chickpea curry, I had a truly original idea for a novel. I had no choice but to sequester myself in the Himalayas to create the next iconic Canadian novel.
While doing groceries one afternoon, I was approached by a man who claimed to be the editor of Frumpy Mom Magazine. He begged me to be the January Cover Mom and it was only when he offered me an exorbitant amount of money that I agreed. My cover was a huge success and lead to more modelling gigs, including some work as the “before” picture in several high profile weight loss ads. I was also approached to design a fashion line for the fine people of Value Village. My “salsa stained sweat pant in grey” has been the most sought after piece of clothing in The Village’s entire history. What a whirlwind!
But the truth of the matter is I’ve been so busy with work and kids and life that I’ve pushed blogging to the side of my plate like a picky child refusing to eat his broccoli.
BUT THAT ALL ENDS TODAY, DAMMIT!
I’ve been using all of my precious writing time in the last couple of months working on a novel that I loathe. The pressure I’ve put on myself to make something “great” has completely stifled my creativity. I seem to have lost the joy that I used to get from writing and I’m willing to do anything to get it back.
I’m going to challenge myself to write a paragraph a day, STARTING TODAY, for an entire MONTH.
I’m going to put into practice the one thing that all successful writers have in common…
THEY WRITE EVERY GODDAMNED DAY!
What am I going to write about you ask? Well, I’m confident to report that I have absolutely no idea. Fiction? Poetry? A tidbit form that iconic Canadian novel of mine? Who knows, but I promise that it will be something!
SO, without further ado, here is PARAGRAPH NUMERO UNO!!!
When I was nine, we lived next door to a woman who called herself Blue. She was eccentric, an artist. In the summer, she’d paint outside in her back yard on huge pieces of canvas. She’d play records while she worked. Catchy pop songs that complimented the colourful abstracts she created. She wore flouncy skirts with mismatched tops and owned an obscene amount of hats. Blue was the epitome of cool and I wanted nothing more than to be her. When I started referring to myself as Turquoise and stealing my mother’s hats, my parents became concerned. It wasn’t until they signed me up for art classes that I stopped emulating Blue and discovered myself.
Thanks so much for reading!
I wonder what I’ll write about next? Let me know if you have any requests, suggestions or ideas. I’m also very receptive to compliments and high fives.
See you tomorrow,