Days off are weird.
Especially when all your kids are at school and your husband’s at work and you’re alone in your home.
It’s blissfully silent, but weird.
I work on Saturdays and have Sundays and Mondays off. So this morning, I got the kids ready for school, put them on their bus and came back home. No running off to work or hockey or playgroup or the park or the grocery store. No rushing to get dressed or showered. I just came home, ate a bowl of Cheerios, read some celebrity gossip on my computer and had an extra cup of coffee.
I’ve been fantasizing of these days all to myself for over ten years and now that they’re finally here, I’m surprised at how frazzled I feel. In my head, I convinced myself that I would use my seven hours of child free time to accomplish great tasks. I’d clean my dirty house, get in shape and obviously write the next great Canadian novel. But in reality, I seem to be sitting on my couch, watching cat videos on my computer. As the minutes tick away, I feel increasingly guilty that I’ve wasted my day when I could have accomplished something, anything, more profound than sitting on my ass.
Since school started, life has been bananas. I’m working full time, the kids are all back into their various activities and my old schedule that I lived and breathed for the past three years has totally gone out the window. If my life were a person, she’d be an overzealous personal trainer screaming at me constantly to GO GO GO while I fumbled gracelessly trying to keep up.
But don’t for one hot second think that I’m complaining. I love my crazy life. And obviously I’m going to have a hard time adjusting to this whole concept of a day “off”. For a whole decade I full time momed and part time worked. If I wasn’t at work I was with my kids and vice verse. No wonder I’m all in a tizzy. The concept of a “me day” is totally foreign.
It’s now twelve-thirty and this is what I’ve done with my day so far;
- Got out of bed.
- Made three lunches.
- Did a “ballet bun” to the exact specifications of my four year old daughter using both the yellow and the blue sparkly bobby pins that took her a solid ten minutes to find in her room.
- Argued with my seven year old about brushing his teeth.
- Walked to the bus stop.
- Embarrassed my ten year old by insisting that he kiss me before getting on his bus.
- Walked back home.
- Ate breakfast.
- Sat and stared at my computer.
- Felt guilty about sitting, decided to try and fix my vacuum.
- Failed at fixing vacuum.
- Cleaned the kitchen instead.
- Went to the bathroom TWICE sans interruption.
- Cleaned out my front hall closet. Got Eminem’s song by the same name stuck in my head.
- Answered two emails.
- Sat back down.
- Started writing.
Now that I see those seventeen things staring back at me from my computer screen, I guess I have accomplished a few tasks today. Maybe I should give myself a break, cut myself some slack and use these precious hours to recharge for the week ahead? I don’t know where my constant need to “do something” came from, but I think it’s time I learn to say NO NO NO to the constant GO GO GO of my life…at least on my day off.
It’s almost one o’clock.
Two and a half hours before the kids get home.
I think my next task will be eating a sandwich. After that, maybe some more sitting followed by a lot less guilt.
Thanks for reading my gibberish,