I just saw a commercial on TV for a miracle turkey waddle cream and I’m convinced it’s going to change my life.
I watched in awe as the impossibly taut spokeswoman smeared the super salve all over her neck and under her chin. And guess what? She had the most enviable neck and chin skin that I’ve EVER seen.
If you’re a modern woman, like myself, and have spent many hours fretting about your waddle, this miracle cream could put an end to all of our collective suffering!
No more shrouding our shameful neck areas in foulards, turtlenecks and high collared shirts!
No more double chins holding us back from reaching our goals, living our dreams and taking unfiltered selfies!
ALL we have to do is slap on some cream and BOOM! we’ll be happy, healthy and HOT! ALL our problems will melt away like our neck fat.
I feel like such a giant dumb dumb. Before this afternoon, I totally thought you had to eat well and be active to loose weight. Who has time for that? And it’s SO HARD. Thank heavens the TV Gods showed me a more effective way to get results.
It’s so simple.
C R E A M.
I wonder if there are more magic creams on the market? Ones that banish the dreaded Mom Fat or The Cottage Cheese Thighs or The Bingo Arms?
You guys, I totally just checked my Facebook and you’ll never guess what?!? An add popped up on my newsfeed that said I can actually loose weight WHILE I SLEEP! I just have to take some super safe fat burning pills! AMAZING!
And it take no effort at all. Literally, ZERO!
I’m having so many epiphanies today! I’ve been unhappy with my body for a while now and instead of actually having to get off my ASS and do something about it, I can just apply some cream and pop a pill!
I wonder if all the people out there who wake up early to run or go to the gym or do interval training know that they’re doing it ALL WRONG! Think of all the sleeping and sitting these jocks can catch up on thanks to waddle cream and fat burning pills! The only reason people exercise is to loose weight, right? So say bye bye to physical activity and hello to a fulfilling sedentary life!
Spread the word, people! Tell your friends and your family and scream it to random people on the street!
THE PUBLIC NEEDS TO BE INFORMED.
There’s an easier way to change your appearance! And you MUST change how you look TODAY in order to be successful in LIFE.
YOU NEED WADDLE CREAM.
YOU NEED MAGIC GET SKINNY WHILE YOU SLEEP PILLS.
I finally understand that to have a joyful and meaningful life, it’s all about how you look. Screw friends and family and trying to be a kind and compassionate person. Who I am on the inside can suck it! It’s what’s on the outside that matters!
In no time, we’ll be just like the unrealistically thin, plastic women that the media so badly wants us all to be!
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?!?!?!
Slap on that cream!
Pop that pill!
A better you is waiting…