January’s A Jerk.

 

january

 

December is all about having fun and spending money and staying up late and binging on baked goods.

January is all about being responsible and going on a budget and following a routine and eating quinoa.

December is the life of the party.

January is the party pooper.

It’s like if December and January were siblings, December would be the free spirited younger sister and January would be the high strung older sister that made you second guess all of your life choices.

I hate you, January.

Life was just fine until the first day of your stupid month.

JUST FINE.

Now people everywhere are trying to change themselves in order to please you.

Everyone’s dieting and doing crunches and jogging.

Everyone’s organizing their junk drawers and bathroom cupboards and crawl space hoards.

Everyone’s giving up alcohol and chocolate and french fries.

EVERYONE IS LAME.

L

A

M

E

I’m on to you, January. Don’t expect any unobtainable new year’s resolutions from this girl!

You can’t change my quirky, sloth like ways.

If I want to drink three beers and pound a Kit Kat at the end of my day, then I will.

If I want to stay up late watching medical mysteries on TLC, then I will.

If I want to waste half an hour looking at pictures of llamas on the internet, then I will.

I have a deal for you, January. How about you cut me some slack and I’ll make a couple of easily obtainable goals for 2014?

No, I will not go on a diet or start training for a marathon or promise to be a kinder, more patient person. If I ever resolve to do any of that stuff, I guarantee that it won’t be for you, January. It’ll be because I WANT TO, not because I’ve succumbed to your new year bullying.

So here are my goals thus far;

1. Follow a recipe.

2. Finish a knitting project.

3. Get a haircut.

I feel like it’s a pretty solid list.

I had one more item, but it’s already been accomplished! It was to buy new shoes. I finally replaced my four dollar fake Converse sneakers. They were being held together with packing tape and it was time for us to say goodbye. They’re still sitting on a shelf at work. I know I should throw them out, but we had so many good times together. Maybe tossing them in the garbage will be my next goal?

Oh January, why do you have to be so cruel?  You make people crazy, make them think that they need to change.

Well I say, DON’T CHANGE.

KEEP DECEMBER IN YOUR HEART!

Sleep in!

Eat carbs!

Drink booze on a weeknight!

DON’T LET JANUARY BRING YOU DOWN.

You’re awesome just the way you are!

Love always,

NFred.

p.s. Toss the quinoa and go order a pizza. You deserve it!

 

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2 thoughts on “January’s A Jerk.

  1. It’s funny, because it’s true. I didn’t make any resolutions this year. I did make some “life changes,” though. But I already broke those, too. 🙂

    • NFred says:

      I’m on fire with my “resolutions”. Since I wrote this post, my friend at work cut like a foot off of my mermaid hair! AND I sort of almost followed a knitting pattern. ALMOST. Life changes are hard. I just want to eat ice cream and not think about it!

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