When my husband and I first moved in together, we were super poor.
I remember not having enough money for bus fare and having to walk to work.
I remember that a dinner of rice with canned tomatoes on top was considered fine dining.
I remember counting dimes and nickles, desperately hoping we had enough money for a couple of cans of beer.
One time during our days of extreme poorness, something magical happened.
It was an unseasonably warm day. My husband and I decided to go for a walk around downtown, because that’s the kind of free activity you do when you have no money.
Right before leaving our apartment, my husband decided to change into some shorts. He had to dig around in our closet for a while to find some. I was getting impatient. Finally he found a pair of black shorts and threw them on. He shoved his hands in the pockets to smooth them out and then made a very strange face.
“What”? I said because I’m nosy.
“There’s something in here and it feels like money”, he said with a huge grin.
“Yeah right”, I said not believing him because he was always playing tricks on me.
Just then he pulled his hand out of his pocket and produced a FIFTY DOLLAR BILL!
We screamed like idiots! Fifty Dollars! So much money! So much excitement!
To this day, my husband does not remember where he got the magical fifty dollar bill from or who gave it to him. I don’t know how a person forgets that they have money stashed somewhere, but this is my husband we’re talking about. Four days out of six, he leaves for work with some combination of his wallet, keys, cellphone or coffee left behind on the kitchen counter.
So how did we spend the money? We bought bus tickets and groceries and put the remaining money towards an outstanding bill.
Because we were such responsible young adults, we used the money to buy a couple of cases of beer and drank our faces off.
Imagine if every time you put your hand in your pocket, you pulled out a fifty dollar bill???
Here is a list of things that I would do with my magical money…
1. Get a haircut. Not very extravagant, but if you could see my hair right now you’d understand. It’s pretty much achieved mermaid status. A few more inches, and I will no longer need to wear a shirt.
2. Buy some NEW clothes. Not clothes that someone has worn before me. We’re talking clothes with the price tags still attached. I’d buy some expensive jeans that would shield the world from my butt cleavage, bras that actually fit and t-shirts that don’t have sweat stains in the armpits.
3. I’d so go to Ikea and buy matching dishes and funky curtains and meatballs (not the ones made from horse meat) and a bunch of random kitchen gadgets that all have crazy Swedish names.
4. Buy a lot of Blizzards.
5. And finally, for my splurge, I’d take my family to South Africa and we’d get on a boat and watch great white sharks leap out of the water!
I do not believe the line, “more money, more problems”.
I have never once heard someone complain that they have too much money. If I did, I would slap that person and then make them buy me a dozen donuts and a fancy iced coffee.
I think it should be changed from “more money, more problems” to “more money, more awesome”.
Think about it!
You could take more awesome trips, eat more awesome food, wear more awesome clothes and have more awesome parties.
From this moment on, “more money, more awesome” is my new mantra!
Anyone know where I can get my hands on an endless stash of fifty dollar bills???