An Open Letter to Jessica Jean

no-short-shorts-sign

 

*This is a letter I wrote to a real person that I gave the fictional name of Jessica Jean because I have no idea what her real name is. She sort of looked like a Jessica or maybe a Kate but I liked Jessica better. Also, this is my first serious blog post. I’m trying to evolve as a writer. HA! Not really. I just needed to throw something down that’s been bothering me. I’ll stop blabbing in italics now and let you read. Enjoy!

 

My Dearest Jessica,

 

We don’t know each other.

We’ve never met.

I was strolling through the mall on my lunch break last Sunday when I noticed you shopping at the jewelry stand.

You’re probably around sixteen years old. You have perfectly straight brown hair and hip black frames for your glasses. You wore a plain white t-shirt and Birkenstock type sandals. You looked like a nice girl. You’re pretty and were smiling as you were chatting with the salesperson.

But these are not the reasons why I noticed you.

Sadly, it was because of your shorts.

I don’t mean to single you out Jessica, but I’m going to make an example out of you. You’re not the first girl I’ve even seen in ridiculously short shorts, but I hope you’ll be the last.

Here’s the thing, you are pretty and probably smart. I bet you have hobbies and goals and dreams like most teenaged girls. The problem is, when you wear shorts that are SO SHORT that they look like panties, no one is going to care about how awesome you are on the inside. All they are going to care about is your bum.

Seriously, Jessica. Your bum cheeks were hanging out the bottom of your shorts. That’s only a cute look on babies who toddle around in diapers.

Who let you go out in public with your bum on display for all to ogle? Where are your parents? How do they feel about your wardrobe choice?

Here’s how I feel Jessica. I feel worried. I feel like you have so much more to offer the world than your bum.

I feel that you are desperately seeking attention in the most dangerous of ways.

Old creepy guys are going to think it’s okay to approach you because of the way you’ve let your bum hang out of your shorts.

Girls at your school might spread rumours that you’re a slut or a whore or a skank because of your revealing attire.

Boys might think it’s okay to touch your bum because of the way you show it off.

I’m worried for you, Jessica Jean. You don’t need to show your bum for attention. There are so many other ways that you matter. Has anyone ever told you that? You can be anything that you want.

Don’t let the media drag you down to their level and brainwash you with their false ideals. I’m pretty sure the media gets their ideas from out of touch sleazeball guys who have no idea how it fells to be a sixteen year old girl. None of these guys have the slightest interest in who you are. They only care about making you hate yourself so that you’ll shell out all your money on the useless crap that they claim will make you prettier, skinnier and more popular. I bet these guys invented short shorts.

I know I’m sounding like an old lady who doesn’t understand the youth of today. You probably picture me as having fourteen cats and living in a shack down by the river. I bet you’re thinking that I’m jealous that you have a fantastic body and can wear whatever you want.

I am completely jealous of your thinness but not of your low self esteem. If you liked yourself just a little bit more, you wouldn’t have to show your bum to feel special. It’s really depressing, Jessica. You are so much more than a bum flasher.

Jessica Jean, I wish we could hang out. We’d eat ice cream and talk and play Boggle and maybe you’d teach me how to straighten my hair. I bet you’d surprise me with your wit and intelligence. I’d praise you until your face turned red.

At the end of the night, we’d throw your shorts into my fireplace and watch them burn. Hopefully that would give you the confidence to sway other girls to get rid of their booty shorts. You could support each other instead of hating on each other. You could form a community of smart, passionate and self confident teenaged girls.  Together you could demand that girls be heard in the media, outsmart the sleazeballs in suits and show the world how much you matter.

Thank you Jessica Jean for letting me vent. I’m sorry if I came off more preachy than passionate. I hope one day you’ll realize that you are so much more than just a bum hanging out of a pair of short shorts.

Thank you for letting me figuratively burn your booty shorts.

One day, I hope you do it for real.

 

My warmest regards,

NFred

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5 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Jessica Jean

  1. Mom says:

    They aren’t short shorts, they are short short short shorts

  2. Mar says:

    So if I read this right, if I wear ridiculously short shorts then I get to hang out with you and eat ice cream and play boggle? Followed by romantic fire in your fireplace? I could be seriously tempted! I enjoyed your first attempt at a serious subject. You maintained your Nfred flair yet made your point. Well done!

  3. sambean14 says:

    Reblogged this on Wanna Be Free and commented:
    This is the truth!

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