NFred, Listologist.

to-do-list

I recently discovered a blog that suggests daily writing prompts for those of us who may be suffering from creative constipation.

Most of the prompts were neat, but one really peaked my interest. It was simply to write a list. For the last few days, random lists have been floating around my head. Ridiculous, nonsensical lists of lists!

Here is one such list…

Three Things That I Don’t Understand…But My Husband Does!

1. Curling – I don’t get this sport at all. Like I don’t even get the gist of it. I have no idea how you win and no desire to learn. My husband thinks this is a shame. He’s tried to explain the rules to me many times, but I think the word “curling” has a sedative effect on me because as soon as I hear it, my eyes glaze over and I zone out. He’s an avid fan of watching curling on TV. That’s another thing I don’t understand! Why do they televise curling? I’m pretty sure my husband is the only spectator. It’s so boring. Nobody ever falls, there’s no fighting, no half time show and there are no mascots who fire t shirt guns into the crowd…probably because there is no crowd. It’s the most ridiculous sport. Think about it…you throw a rock down on some ice and then some dude sweeps the ice in front of your rock to make said rock move faster? What kind of a total B.S. sport is that? If these curlers are so passionate about sweeping, send them to my house. My floor is constantly caked with a mixture of crushed Cheerios and park sand.

2. Parking – I am currently learning to drive. I’m a pretty good driver as long as I’m on a straight road and don’t have to change lanes or turn or pass anybody. One of the things I don’t understand is parking. I mean, I  understand how to drive forward into a parking spot. That’s easy peasy. But my husband tells me that I have to learn how to park while driving in reverse. Why would I ever want to do that? Chances are, I’m going to hit one, if not three cars while trying to squeeze my giant van BACKWARDS into a parking spot. My husband gets so flustered while explaining to me over and over how to use my mirrors and which way to turn the steering wheel and blah blah blah. He thinks it’s the easiest thing ever and can’t fathom why I’m such a parking invalid. I wonder how many marriages have ended over driving related issues?

3. Gangster Movies  – My husband loves a good mob flick. What he does not love is watching them with me. I ask an abundance of questions because my head literally aches trying to keep straight who’s getting whacked and who’s doing the whacking. It’s stressful! It’s not just crime dramas that get me flummoxed. The ending of Lost was totally “lost” on me. It’s probably my husband’s favourite show of all time. I’ve asked him repeatedly the same questions; Were they dead the whole time? Was it all a dream? Is John Locke  God?  I feel he might go postal if I ask him any more questions about the smoke monster. Honestly, I get confused watching pretty much anything on TV, unless it’s on TLC.

You can really turn anything into a list. ANYTHING!

If there was such thing as the Canadian List Institute, I would totally call them up and ask for a job as a Listologist, which is a fancy word that I just made up for a professional list maker. And the slogan for our institute would be, “Lists! Not Just For Groceries”!  And we could have list conventions and create list literature and have an annual list awards banquet with celebrity list writers! The possibilities are endless!

Thank you daily writing prompt blog, for being the laxative for my creative  constipation!  I hope you’ll except a VIP invitation to come be the keynote speaker at the inaugural List Lover’s Convention.

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4 thoughts on “NFred, Listologist.

  1. Mimay says:

    There’s an association for EVERYTHING!!! I like your list. Please write another.

  2. phorever phan, Phather says:

    As a former figure skater, you are confused by curling because:
    1. It is at a rink but there are no skates.
    2. There are no judges, but you still keep hearing Weep! Weep!
    3. The costumes are sooooo lame.

  3. Mom says:

    FYI, your father is a former curler!

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